– compare-contrast on Schwalbe, Bruni

you submitted your Draft Essay #1 and I appreciate that it is complete. However, the formatting is a bit off in that all of the individual paragraphs require an indent (Tab key) at the start of the sentence at the beginning of the paragraph. For example on page 1, the first line should be indented as should the 8th line where it states “In the article The Need to Read…”. Next, please give your essay a brief, original title having to do with the main topics of reading and higher education. Then, the first sentence might read “Some observers say that the flow of knowledge and understanding…” to make it more parallel with sentence 2 of the same paragraph. The rest of paragraph 1 is acceptable, and the next 2 paragraphs are summaries of the articles. Your first summary needs more practice with stating (paraphrasing) the authors ideas without using “you” or “your” in lines 2, 3 and 4 of paragraph 2. You may use one direct quote per summary from the article, but please do not use the first name of the author in parentheses (Schwalbe, __) and the empty space should be the number of the paragraph you refer to in the article (not 2016). The next summary should start “In the article, “Demanding More from College” by Frank Bruni…”. This starts out and continues into this paragraph as a more focused summary. Please use the number of paragraph you refer to and not the year when you use an in-text citation (Bruni, ___). The next two paragraphs are the compare-contrast ones, and I am not sure what the word “connectivity” (with a capital C) means in this context. I would say to use a simpler explanation or to spell it out (and not use a capital C).  Due to the fact you are comparing and contrasting two articles by different authors, please use the last names of the authors throughout. For example, in paragraph 4 line 3 can read “In other words, Bruni argues that college should be a period…”. Please remove the dash in line 8 after professional preparation, put a period there instead, and begin the next sentence with “Schwalbe outlines connectivity as a valuable tool in the internet era.” The contrast paragraph would be better to revise line 1 “Bruni and Schwalbe differ in their views toward socializing and the gradual creation of identities.” I am not sure I like the word “lameness” in line 3, please try to find a different word to replace it. Please add “authors” to paragraph 5, last line after the word “two”. Finally, your conclusion should restate as the first sentence the thesis sentence “I have compared and contrasted two articles on the topics of reading and education.” I also think it is redundant to mention their “roles in society” in line 3 so perhaps delete this sentence. I also think that paragraph 6, line 4 can be revised to mention both last names of the authors again, and then to close with the final sentence with the words “shaped and mutually influenced” instead of “created.” You can use a tutor or me during office hours if you would like more assistance in incorporating this feedback into your Revised Essay #1 due by March 1. Keep going! 13 of 15 points Ms. Cunha