essay to be edit base on teacher comment

please see the files that I uploaded, essay to be edit, sample essay and reading. this is from teachers comment:

I was thinking more about your thesis after class. 

This needs to be more debatable: 
“people with higher self-esteem/self-confidence are less likely to be influenced by attractive and attention grabbing packaging or advertisements on products.”

Here are some questions I have: If confident people aren’t influenced by attractive packaging… then why is that an issue? Does that mean advertising unfairly biases those with low self-esteem? And if so, why is that a problem in the larger societal context, and what/who needs to do something about that? And what will society look like if those changes are made? 

I hope that gives you some insight into developing your thesis…

please edit it accoridng to comment and correct any grammar and mistake, thanks